February 2026 

Sharing my journey with depression 
I made the decision to share my personal experience of living with depression through Kroniese Kronieke. This is not just a story, but an honest account that opens a window into the daily challenges I face. By writing this, I hope readers can gain insight into my struggle and perhaps relate to it in their own lives. 
Despite my openness, I am unable to share this journey under my real name. The reality of stigmatisation surrounding mental illness remains strong, and I choose not to take on that additional burden. Still, what I share here is completely genuine – this is my truth, unfiltered and as real as it can be. 

The lingering shame of depression 

Although conversations around depression have become more common and open in recent years, the condition is still often accompanied by a sense of shame. It can feel like a chronic illness that is best kept hidden, especially in public settings or professional environments. There is an unspoken understanding that discussing depression openly may invite judgment or misunderstanding from others. 

All too often, those living with depression are met with dismissive responses such as, “Come on – just be better!” or “Try harder.” Some may question, “What do you even have to be sad about?” or suggest, “It’s probably just stress.” These reactions can make it even harder to share the reality of living with depression, reinforcing the stigma and making it feel like something that should not be discussed. 

If only it were that simple. If only.  

Depression is multilayered disorder with distinct characteristics. It causes persistent feelings of loss and sadness, the inability to enjoy normal day to day activities. Depression affects how a person feels, thinks and handle daily life. Its grasp is felt in eating, sleeping and working. Several factors need to be considered, namely biological, environmental and psychological. Symptoms often include fatigue, concentration difficulties and feelings of worthlessness. Depression is professionally diagnosed and treated.  

The elusive cause and invisible weight of depression 

There are times I desperately wish I could pinpoint the source of my depression – identify a clear cause, trace it to a specific moment, and resolve it as one might solve a straightforward problem. If only I could apply a solution, declare myself cured, take the last prescribed pill, and leave this chapter behind. 

Sometimes, I long for my depression to be visible – like a broken bone in a cast or a lingering fever – something tangible that could be seen and understood by others. If it were, maybe I could explain why some days my bed holds me prisoner, why I find myself seeking out sweetness as a brief comfort, knowing it will fade quickly and only leave me feeling heavier and more burdened than before. 

This is not a new struggle for me. Depression has been my companion for years. It does not show mercy. It is unrelenting and tenacious, persisting regardless of my wishes. 

So, what is it actually like to live with this constant presence? To shoulder the full weight of depression every single day? 

A day shaped by depression – when depression is overwhelming 

On my most difficult days, I have learned not to give in to depression’s demands. Instead, I simply stop. I know the feeling when darkness overshadows everything, and I have become all too familiar with it. I slow myself down, sometimes until it feels as if stillness will never end. Even then, life can feel unbearable – so much so that getting out of bed seems impossible. 

On these bad days, food loses its appeal, except for the fleeting comfort of sugar – a brief spark in the darkness. I crave silence and solitude, wanting nothing more than to be left alone. 

Yet, the world does not pause for depression. Responsibilities remain – work, home, and all the daily tasks that still need tending. Life continues on, indifferent to the weight of my struggle. 

Finding solace in love 

In these moments, I am saved by love. My husband acts as my anchor, having learned how to support me when I collapse. When I am unable to care for myself, he steps in quietly, without waiting for me to ask. He cooks for me, brings the food, and leaves it by my side. Eventually, I find the strength to eat. 

On the hardest days, he packs my gym bag even when I have no desire to leave. He tells me where we are going, persistently encouraging me despite my resistance. I am rarely easy to be around during these times, but he stays. He is my strength, holding onto the truths I cannot remember in those moments: that movement will help me, that light will guide me, and that I cannot escape this darkness on my own. 

I need to step outside my room, my house, and my thoughts. I rely on my body to function when my mind cannot. I need sunlight when it is available, or artificial warmth when I am cold. This kind of love is not easy for the one who gives it, and yet he does so with patience. For his support, I am endlessly grateful. 

A day shaped by depression – when depression is less overwhelming 

On days when depression feels less oppressive, life is quieter and steadier – less traumatic. These days are built on structure, which supports me when I cannot support myself. I wake up and take my medication each morning, without question or negotiation. The day unfolds according to a familiar rhythm: work, lunch at the same time, picking up the children from school, walking the dog. 

Meals are planned in advance because having to think about everything is a luxury I cannot afford. I heat the food, I eat, and I get through the day – sometimes on autopilot. Every weekday at 17:15, I go to the gym. For that hour, I focus on my body. There is no room for anxious thoughts or mental spirals. I breathe, I exert myself, and I survive. 

The power of routine 

This routine pays off. It restores my evenings and allows me to cook, listen, and be present with my family. I can attend to my children and fulfil my roles as a mother and a wife. Our whole family benefits from this structure. Going to bed the same way each night helps us all build a sense of stability. It provides me with rest and helps me sleep, so I can begin again the next day. I am a survivor. 

It might sound simple, but for me, simplicity is intentional – it is my lifeline. The fewer choices I need to make, the fewer opportunities depression has to take hold. Routine becomes habit, habit brings stability, and stability gives me a solid foundation to keep fighting depression. 

Living with chronic depression 

This is my life. Even though I work to live simply, life with depression is complex. I live with a chronic illness that has no cure. I am heavily burdened, and freedom often feels out of reach. But despite these challenges, I am here – living, breathing, functioning, and still present.